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They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.
read joke
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| A mother was teaching her three year old daughter... |
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e Lord's
Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after
her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The
mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each
word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation",
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
read joke
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July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the
best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better
hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect.
I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think
I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next
door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online
for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's
just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these
services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks read joke
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This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops
for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door
saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits
down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of
nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he
drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is
hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and
serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in
with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of
pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender,
without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The
truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to
worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in
season now. You don't even need a license, he said.
So the truck driver f read joke
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| A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car |
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At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25.00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently,
General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement,
"yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted
the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally
your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just
accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver
would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to
re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this
too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
Macint read joke
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586:
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art:
Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete:
Any computer you own.
Microsecond:
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3:
Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."
Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive:
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.
GUI (pronounced "gooey"):
What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.
Keyboard:
The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse:
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy:
The state of your wallet after purchasing a c read joke
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I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs." read joke
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THANK YOU
Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it's good for removing toilet stains and rusting the
arse out of 40-gallon drum.
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with a disease.
I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using
deodorant because you said it causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have
to walk about seventeen blocks, because you said that someone might
drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask
me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with
calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are
nothi read joke
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| From Boyfriend to Husband upgrade |
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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules,
limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many
other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and
HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3
to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
***************************************
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0
is an operating system. Try to enter the command: "C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME" and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2 read joke
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| Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated? |
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Q: ?
A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work
with UNIX.
read joke
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