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| Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years... |
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he day he got out, his wife and
son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the
car.
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled.
"What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered,
"Your mother wants to eat first!"
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| This businessman was walking down the sidewalk... |
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en a jet black van
stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his
clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed
the door shut taking off.
Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman running
right beside the van. The thought "oh well". So they drove on for another
five miles, and once again they saw the businessman running beside their
van. So this time they pulled over, opened the door, and asked the man,
"Hey, how can you run so fast?" He replied, "You would to if your dick was
stuck in the door.
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| The police have rounded up some suspects for a identification... |
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ne up for
a rape suspect. When the lady walks in to pick out the suspect the guy
shouts,"That's her! That's her!"
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| What did O.J. say to Goldman when he found him with his ex-wife? |
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Q: ?
A: Hey pal, mind if I cut in?
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This exchange was overheard between the separated sections
of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: "I got 12
inches over here you would love to have."
The female response was: "Well, spit it out it isn't yours."
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Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as
her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend
Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the
one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one
who poisoned you."
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| How come Mike Tysons eyes always water during sex? |
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How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
Mace...
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Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had
given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and
a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning
to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
Sent by Zena
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| What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at the jail? |
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What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at
the jail?
"Stop playing with my lunch."
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A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very
little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is
suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about his
personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize all
the time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceable
poison to give her, so I may end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get
life in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her
coffee. You can then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is read joke
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