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| Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting... |
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the veranda
of the old folks
home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa
Rabinowitz rocks forward in
his chair and says to Grandma, "Fuck you!"
Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa,
"Fuck you too!"
Grandpa becomes very much excited and shouts, "Fuck you!" swinging
more forward
again.
Grandma remains graceful but leans forward and says, "Fuck you again."
This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally Grandpa says, "You know
something,
Grandma, this oral sex thing ain't all it's cracked up to be."
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
On their first night together, the newly weds deci read joke
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| How do old people have oral sex? |
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?
They talk about it.
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The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the
only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to
get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."
"How marvelous," the old man said.
"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to
work three times before you die."
On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "be read joke
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This very old guy, older than 90, whips back the covers one morning with a
big hard on.
"What do you think about this, Honey?" he says to his wife.
She says "Now that you have the wrinkles out of it, why don't you wash
it?"
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| At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry... |
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young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl
could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed
replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."
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| Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies... |
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Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies.
They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty
thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run
naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that.
Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy
& Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed
ironing."
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| One day an older fella was in for a checkup... |
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One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.
"Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the
greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"
"Did I say I was 64?"
"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"
"Damn straight you did! I'm 85!"
"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were
25! How old was your father when he died?"
"Did I say he was dead?"
"You mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"
"My Lord! What a healthy family you must come from!
How long did your grandfather live?"
"Did I say he was dead?"
"No! You can't mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"
"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think
a man would want to get married at that age!"
"Did I say he 'wanted' to get married?..."
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| This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop... |
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This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.
An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and
says he'll give her a ride home.
On the way he looks her over and says "You're a pretty good looking old
broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass".
She says "What???!!!". But then thinks that the old age check isn't due
for 5 more days, so she agrees.
They are lying on the bed after its over having the usual smoke and he
says to her "Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have
offered you $20.00!"
She looks back at him and says "If I had know you could get it up I would
have taken off my pantyhose!"
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