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| Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks... |
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Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is
both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little Johnnys face lights up with understanding and he
triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"
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| A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group... |
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hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI
THERE LADIES!
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| After church on Sunday morning, a young boy... |
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ddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a
minister when I grow up.
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you
decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than
to sit still and listen.
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A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to
his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little
boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not
black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"
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| A novel grasp on marriage |
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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept
of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album,
thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church,
the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"
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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the the
stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said
to the stranger "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let
me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat
grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow
turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why
do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"
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| A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters... |
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the
refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to
see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room
with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-
D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so
Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly
having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom?
How do you spell 'zilla'?"
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| Two children are in a doctor's waiting room... |
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nd one of them is crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm here for a urine test."
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| How do you keep the neighborhood kids off your front lawn? |
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Q. ?
A. You molest them!.
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| This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny... |
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This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny
wearing a red firefighter's hat and sitting in a red wagon which is
being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little
closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the
dog's testicles, which may explain why the dog is walking so slowly.
Going up to the kid, he said,"That's a nice fire engine you got there,
but I bet it would go faster if you have the rope around the dog's
neck."
"Yeah," the kid replied."But I wouldn't have a siren."
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