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| In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller... |
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ne guy suddenly
started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the
man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that
you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help
practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy
replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do ya see me fucking the guy in front of me?"
read joke
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| Mr. Schneider stood up in court... |
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As God is my judge, I do not owe my
ex-wife any money."
Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."
read joke
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There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends.
One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see.
The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, "Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit."
The rabbit was happy to know what he was.
He tells the blind snake, "Come here and I will try to determine what you are."
The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, "You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer." read joke
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A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question." read joke
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How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
His lips start moving. read joke
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| Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve... |
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a juror in this
case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
read joke
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| A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven... |
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A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven,
but not at all happy with his accommodations.
He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his
only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The
lawyer immediately advised that he intended to
appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting
at least three years before his appeal could be
heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait
was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who
told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal
to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing
to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: "Why can
appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?"
The devil answered: "We have all of the judges."
read joke
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One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the
road when they
saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them.
One of the men
turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night
with her." To their
surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll
take you up on
that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his
companion 'good
night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight
to bed. The following
morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her
money."If you
don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed,
saying, "I'd like to see
you get it on those grounds!" The next day,he was surprised to receive
a summons
ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed
to his atorney and
explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't
read joke
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| http://www.burstnet.com/ads/ad13233a map.cgi/ns/v=2.3S/sz=120x600A/ |
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read joke
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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228."
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." read joke
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