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| The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant... |
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Doctor,"
she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he
lost three ounces this week." The medic examined the child and then
started to squeeze the girl's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse,
removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple. "Young lady,"
he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't
any milk!" "Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my
sister's!"
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A man goes to a doctor and says:
"Doctor, it's embarassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
"Gee, what are you taking for it?"
"Snuff."
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| Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? |
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?
Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?
Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
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| The medical student was asked four reasons... |
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y mother's
milk was better for babies than cow's milk.
This is the answer he submitted:
1. It's fresher.
2. It's cleaner.
3. The cats can't get to it.
4. It's easier to take on a picnic.
He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."
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With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it." read joke
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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake." read joke
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| The doctor took Bill into the room and said... |
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The doctor took Bill into the room and said,
"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news."
Bill said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
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Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get
close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I
get sick to my stomach.
Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.
Patient sticks out his tongue...
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A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her
senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious
problems."
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my
child and I'll love it regardless."
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs."
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless."
"And it hasn't got any arms either."
"What?"
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact,
your child is only a very, very big ear."
The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her
son.
"Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?"
"There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."
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One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an
Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a
coffee house.
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me
I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a
married man!"
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