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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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WASHINGTON, DC - Frustrated by failed attempts to turn
public support away from the president, congress today
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated
documents and videotapes on Monday.
Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this
morning. "We feel that with the release of all the documents
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections.
On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President
Clinton's in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler,
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, 'Meat
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!' We will also
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a
litter of small kittens."
A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a
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| What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet? |
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"Not according to Dad."
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| Why is the government like a prostitute? |
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Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
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Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you
to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness.
Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for
shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain
could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive
citizen.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton President United States of America
P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie
Foster.
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| Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman... |
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interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.
"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "I
don't know any of them."
"I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I know
them all."
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Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the
other, "Did you hear about that new variety of corn called ?"
The second farmer replies,"No I ain't." The first farmer says, "Yeah, it's
a big yielding variety. The stalk don't grow too big, but the ears are
tremendous!"
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Definition:
Politics Poli (Poly): Many.... Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures
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d you ever buy Lewinsky any gifts
Prez: I don't rightly recall ... actually I did once splash out on a dress
for her
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