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Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed
and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
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Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple
wakes up.
Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!"
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I
am the husband!"
Sent by Ser
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| Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago... |
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He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his
plane ticket on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.
She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out,
and squeezed her left tit.
"Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Jon won't be here for
breakfast tomorrow."
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| Staring down from the bench to announce the terms... |
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the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
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| There was this boy in high school that was what you would call... |
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There was this boy in high school that was what you would
consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement
of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look
what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of
soil and instantly grass started to grow.
Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked
his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.
His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then
dad would have to buy him a convertable.
Dad agreed.
The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his
dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told
him that he had something to show him. They went to the front
yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.
The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertable."
The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is
from your mother."
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A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage
counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She
responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that
suffers, not me."
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| Barry took a girl out on her first date... |
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hen they pulled off into a
secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no
to everything."
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the
level about this."
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for
their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on
that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked
the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in
front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck
your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you
thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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| Who exactly are we kidding? |
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But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A
husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer
controls the weather.
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Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the
house.
Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
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