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| In the Sex Ed class the teacher says... |
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All right, class, I want you to go
home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for
making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many
positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about
you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just
lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
read joke
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California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word
problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present:
The City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:_______________________________
Gang:___________________________
1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13
times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he
has to reload?
2.Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to
Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he
doesn't cut it?
3.Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks
will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habi read joke
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In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as
in sugar
in male semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical
info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she
had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned.
However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was
classic....
Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not the back of your throat."
read joke
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| Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye... |
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r maybe it was Neil
McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the
other students there. After he had been there a month, his
mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of
tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she
asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all
night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful
noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes."
read joke
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THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occassionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to animals
INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Ro read joke
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| A horny young man went to a brothel... |
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The lady at the counter asked him
what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available.
Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky
and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all
buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers....
they..."
Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."
Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to
ex-models and ex-actresses."
Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and
over again, until you're perfect at it."
read joke
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| A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students... |
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sketch a
naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches
he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect
penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She
replied, "What other way?"
read joke
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| A degree at Life University |
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A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY
that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's
right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as
earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the
program outline.
FIRST YEAR:
Autumn Schedule
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
Winter Schedule
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response to Getting In At 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn To Cook
ECON 001A What's Hers Is Hers
Spring Schedule
MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like An Asshole When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers
ECON 001B What's Yours Is Half Hers (Must P read joke
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A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never
be absolute, unless absolutely necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In
English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some
languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can
form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
read joke
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| In-class Assignment for Wednesday |
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This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
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Rebecca and Gary
English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached.
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At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home read joke
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