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| The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many... |
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Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to
three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote
on a method of determining each General's early retirement
bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would
choose two points of their body to measure between and then
each man would be paid $10,000 per inch.
They called in the first General. He decide to have
them measure from the top of his head to the bottom of his
feet. Upon measuring it to 6 feet, they paid him $720,000.
The next General, thinking a little bit more, stretched
his arms above his head, and asked them to measure from the
tips of his fingers, to the bottom of his feet. After
measuring 8 feet, they paid him $960,000.
The next General, with a smug look on his face, asked
them to measure from the tip of his penis to the bottom of
his balls. Congress decided to call in a medical officer.
The medical officer asked the General to drop h read joke
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It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first
assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous
young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute,
and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute
and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to
disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and
replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a
stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing.
Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a
private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever,
the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said
"Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply read joke
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| The general went to the doctor for a physical... |
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efore he began, the doctor
asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked
when was the last time the general had sex.
'Oh,' he mused, 'It was 1945.'
'Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked.
'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.'
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| Why did congress enact the Marine Corps? |
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Q. ?
A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!
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| Following some duty overseas, the officers... |
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the Fort were
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.
The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most
trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"
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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised
new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI
insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was
having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly
100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this,
the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales
pitch.
Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and
then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the
government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't
have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only
has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send
into battle first?"
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| There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands... |
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There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets.
In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right!
We should read joke
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| Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant... |
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d his wife were
invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was
partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his
wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first
time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."
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| During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down... |
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muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a
red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked
the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the
keys, "*Yours* is."
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| The company sergent is briefing the recruits... |
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The company sergent is briefing the recruits:
"For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father, and I
will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you know what that
makes you..."
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