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| Answering Machine Recording |
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:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1
now.......Now press the other one."
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| How is a woman like an airplane? |
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How is a woman like an airplane?
-Both have cockpits.
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| These two women went out for a night on the town... |
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d got just totally
sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut
through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became
lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled
back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing
with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing"? the other
lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".
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| Does anyone know what would happen if the earth... |
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tated 30 times faster than
it does today ??
We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death...
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| How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? |
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?
When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "
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SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
Chemical Properties:
1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Common Uses:
1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns read joke
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A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a
naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she
slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was
lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the
hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much
appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."
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| The seven kinds of passionate women |
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1.The Optimist
- "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
2.The Pessimist
- "No! No! No!"
3.The Confused
- "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!"
4.The Asthmatic
- written rendition of gasping
5.The Sprinter
- "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!"
6.The Religious
- "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!
7.The Mathematician
- "More! More! More! More!
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| You know why there is a string on a tampon? |
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You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.
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| How to Satisfy a Woman/Man Every Time |
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How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,
empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,
humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug,
coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,
nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply,
accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm,
lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate,
attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace,
accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead,
borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch,
crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for,
dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine,
cajole, angelic read joke
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