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Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman
was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.
"I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision,"
he announced, standing up to leave ...
"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the
morning, let me know what you think."
read joke
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| A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste... |
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r the
local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He
decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is
interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish
to claim compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to
protect you from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead
suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept
in a lead container.
Trucker: Yeah, thatÂ’s right. All lead.
Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against read joke
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Boss (too employee): Experts say that humor on the job
relieves tension in this time of down-sizing! Knock, knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
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| Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together... |
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Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of my
entire life."
"What happened?" asks Birnbaum.
Goldstein moans, "My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for
seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of
dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my
brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to
top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son
having sex with the garment model on my desk!"
"You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even
worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven
days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the
credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my
brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to
top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son
having read joke
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| Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one... |
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Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on
them.
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his
sight is restored. He touches the man in the
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away.
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa,
God! I'm on workman's comp!'
read joke
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| Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work... |
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Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore,
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."
Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"
read joke
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:
(Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT
(Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION
(Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION
(Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME
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Life Insurance Agent:
Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you
wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.
read joke
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Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.
It's done on a very high level.
There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.
And it takes two years to get any results.
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| When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher... |
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the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs
on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you,
Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this
school without submitting to the sexual advances of the
principal."
"Oh my God! Well, er, what was is that?"
"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."
read joke
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