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| Funky Zone Funny Pictures - Search Results |
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope read joke
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Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?
read joke
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It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the
son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank
faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth'"?
Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said
Martinez.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than
you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese read joke
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| Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations |
In category: Computer jokes |
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of
Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government
of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
"It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with
U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal".
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically"
accepted a position as a vice pre read joke
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| What did Arafat say to Clinton? |
In category: Ethnic |
?
"Sheep don't talk, my friend."
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| How to call penis |
In category: Foreign |
At a government affair, the wives of four world
leaders are chatting about how people refer to a
penis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people
call it a gentleman, because it stands up when
women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call
it a patriot, because you never know if it will
hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a
curtain, because it goes down after the act.
With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says
in the USA you call it a rumor, because it
goes from mouth to mouth...
Sent by Igor
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| Made in Canada |
In category: Foreign |
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest
condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's
favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power
to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour, at least 10" long and
4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up
and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send
'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at
least 1 read joke
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A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope read joke
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1040 Waffle Street
Little Rock, Arkansas 72208
Dear Friend;
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising
of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame
in Washington, D.C.
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was
not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never
told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since
Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, and returned not knowing where he had been. And he did it
all on borrowed money.
Over 3,000 years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your read joke
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| Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton... |
In category: Political jokes |
a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."
read joke
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