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| Funky Zone Funny Pictures - Search Results |
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It’s a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty."
Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It’d be so great. When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It’d be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."
Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn’t mind if Adam were the one to g read joke
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God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.
Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.
God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.
Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!
God: My man, I am ashmed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.
Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out 3 times a week, and...
God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!
Two weeks later Man read joke
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This was originally posted in rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Date: 1999/03/04
Author: briang68g@gearthlink.net
. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I
thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not
to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. .
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name
was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright.
They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they
punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high
speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle
lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive, they
all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda'
like when you bu read joke
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*****************************************************
CHRISTMAS PARTY
*****************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit
Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And, don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A
special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
============================================
read joke
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Long, but really funny
...from a Company in USA.
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
===============================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Emplo read joke
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| Getting married |
In category: Elderly |
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way
go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man
behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."
read joke
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| Christmas and Hanukkah Merger |
In category: Ethnic |
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will
merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300
years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being
called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking
being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl,
currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the
message on the dreydl will be the more read joke
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| Holiday accomodations |
In category: Ethnic |
Long, but really funny
...from a Company in USA.
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
===============================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Emplo read joke
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| The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking |
In category: Lawyer jokes |
:
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a
general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to, a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that
St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus")
would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the
children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual
beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein
vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies,
nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said
dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to
as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts
of the second part (he read joke
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| The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month... |
In category: Relationship jokes |
e
took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he
proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money
to provide you with anything your little heart desires."
"Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet.
And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I
might see my way clear to rent you some."
read joke
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