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| Funky Zone Funny Pictures - Search Results |
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the professor as he put the first worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!" read joke
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The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants". read joke
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Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost.
Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."
"Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had." read joke
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·she orders a cheese burger from 'McDonalds' and says "hold the cheese"!
·she studied for a blood test and failed!
·she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
·she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
·she took lessons for a player piano.
·she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
·she spent 30 minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said 'concentrate'!
·at the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign Here' - she put Sagittarius!
·if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get change.
·she asked me, "What's the number for 911?"!
·she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged!
·she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept!
·she sold the car for gas money!
·she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!
·she tried to drown herself in a carpool!
·she tried to steal a free sample!
·she was on the corner giving out potato read joke
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Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an
interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other
animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The
neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK
OFF!", the dog ate him!"
read joke
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
read joke
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| Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks... |
In category: Celebrities |
Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is
both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little JohnnyÂ’s face lights up with understanding and he
triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"
read joke
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| The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching... |
In category: Kids jokes |
d Johhny has still
not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano
solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with
anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells
her he has worked out his act.
Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall
and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to
rapturous applause...
Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to
the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls.
He steps up to the microphone and says...
"Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every
holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you
my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my
unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT
FUCKING TRACTOR!'"
read joke
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| Little Johnny had become a real nuisance... |
In category: Kids jokes |
ile his father tried
to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with
friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get
Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework,
video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to
quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle
stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the
room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without
Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.
For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be
seen and the card players continued without any further
interruptions.
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle,
"What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a
peep from him all day!"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to
mas read joke
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| Little Johnny is coming home from the store... |
In category: Kids jokes |
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf
of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.
Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good
opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."
He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that
you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the
other?"
Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
read joke
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