|
|
|
| Funky Zone Funny Pictures - Search Results |
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, re read joke
|
|
|
|
|
At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25.00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently,
General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement,
"yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted
the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally
your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just
accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver
would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to
re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this
too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
Macint read joke
|
|
|
|
|
Dec. 8 5:00 p.m. - It's starting to snow, the first of
the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat
by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging
to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful.
Dec. 9 - We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal
white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight.
Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel.
I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it.
I did both our driveway and our sidewalks. Later the
snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back.
I shoveled it again.
Dec. 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh
well, I'm sure we'll get a little more before this lovely
winter is over.
Dec. 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to about 0 degrees. Shoveled the sidewalk and
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving
habits, offers the following advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's
exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds
are caused by non-drunk drivers.
Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given
by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read
at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop
at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying
"Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your
car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk
driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no
longer drive read joke
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Dennis DiPasquale
The other day I went to the local religious book store,
where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it
and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I
did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the
light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the
Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper
sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and
yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a
football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!"
Everyone else started honk read joke
|
|
|
|
|
A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver
eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of
the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start
exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one
of the worst pile-ups in history.
When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the
side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just
using my emergency flashers!"
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
| There was a man and woman traveling along in their car... |
In category: Roads and Driving |
he man was
driving when a
police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and
says "Did you
know you were speeding back there." The lady (who is almost deaf) said
to her husband
"What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to his wife and said
"He said I was
speeding." The officer then said "Where are you from?" The man replied
"Chicago" The
wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to
his wife and said,
"He wanted to know where we came from." The officer then said "Shit,
you know, I had
my worst fuck ever in Chicago." The lady then says "What did he say,
what did he say?"
The man turns back and says "He says he thinks he knows you."
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along
and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived
at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage
to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted
the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you
didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my gaaawd...," replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody
left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!!!!!"
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
ey get pulled over
by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window
with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the
trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over,
you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.
He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the
passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls
his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the
nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're
gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that shit with me!'"
read joke
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Pages : 1
»
2 »
3 »
4 »
5 »
6 »
7 »
8 »
9 »
10 »
11 »
12 »
13 »
14 »
15 »
16 »
17
|
|
|
|
|
